Friday, July 20, 2012

Honesty

                                   "God's not afraid of your honesty, 
                          He can heal your heart if you speak honestly"

 "Why God? You can't be real if you are allowing me to go through this. I'm starting think that there really isn't a god there after all".

 These are the words of a man I recently met sitting on a bench in front of a statue of Mary holding the crucified body of Jesus Christ. Mike was his name.

 But you see these are also the words I had come to the place where I was at to speak to God myself.

 I had pulled into the parking lot of St. Isadore church in Quakertown the other day. A big Catholic church with beautiful grounds but closed to visitors at the time I was there for the lunch hour. I notice a statue of the virgin Mary. The statue was in a garden area with a paved walk and two stone benches. The plaque called this the "semi circular garden". The stones benches created a broken circle. I sit contemplating. Praying. Speaking to God honestly.

 I notice to my left next to the church building itself another statue of a man. I am assuming it was a statue St. Isadore. Again I am drawn to stand and be quiet. The grounds of St. Isadore church are beautiful. Various garden areas in honor of past members. A little pond with a fountain spewing water several feet into the air on this very hot July day. I turn and there is a small stone building down a grassy knoll. There is another statue. I can't quite make out the statue so I walk down mainly to sit on one of the two benches in front of the statue. As I get closer is when I notice it is a woman holding the crucified body of Jesus Christ. I sit. 

Several minutes pass. I notice a figure, a man coming towards me on the stone walkway towards the area where I am. My initial thought is, " I am here to be alone". As the man keeps getting closer I can make out that he is smiling. He comes closer. Turn the music in my ears off. He sits on the bench across from me. I say, " how are you today?".

 "Not too good, I am going to commit suicide today".

 Loss of words. Thoughts collide within my mind. Huh? I look at the statue. The crucified body of Jesus. The woman cradling the body so lovingly.

 What's you name? "Mike". What's going on? Mike proceeds to tell me a story of brokenness. Homelessness. Hunger. Mike shows me scars on his arm. One at his wrist. Two up near the bend in his elbow. Jagged scars. Attempts at suicide before. "You know I really don't believe there is a God anymore. Why would God let me get to this point in my life"?

 Mike I have no money. "That's alright, not sure it would help at this point anyway". Mike and I talk for several minutes. All the sudden Mike stands to walk away. I follow and tell Mike that in my car the ashtray is full of penny's collected over the months. You are welcome to all there is. We talk as we walk towards my car. I sit to pull all the coins from the ashtray. He holds his hands out and to my amazement there are several silver coins also. "That's quite a bit of money" Mike says. After putting the change in his pockets he turns to walk away. "Mike can I pray with you"?

After a prayer asking God to make himself real to both Mike and myself. You see my feelings towards God have been at best anger lately. I have questioned more often than I can admit lately , "WHY"!

Mike looks me square in the eyes and says, " this is not happen chance that you were here today was it"? No I have never been to this place ever before. Mike while looking squarely in my eyes, so deep it was as if he could look into my sole says, " you know, maybe there is a God after all".

Mike turns and walks away never saying another word.

Was Mike real? Was Mike an angel? I have related this story to several people in the past couple of days as I am compelled to tell it over and over again and all have said, " maybe it was an angel".

Whatever, whomever Mike was he came to me in a time of need. A simple meeting in a place I had never been before. Both mentally and physically. In my honestly I believe God came to me in the form of Mike.

I will never turn from being HONEST with God. I cannot. Sometimes it may be ugly but God knows my thoughts already, why not be honest.

One of my favorite artist, Margaret Becker sings a song:

"Honesty". 

 "Tonight by the glow of the firelight You found the courage to speak your mind And tear down the walls You've been hiding behind

You spoke of your struggle And you cried from the pain You spoke of your failure And then you turned in shame You said, you knew you'd never be alright

God's not afraid of your honesty He can heal your heart if you speak honestly Humble sorrow and the honest cry He will not pass by, no 

So many of us spend so much time Smoothing things over, pretending we're fine As if life could ever be so cut and dried 

But you my, friend You've got that passionate heart It'll curse you sometimes But it can take you far When you let Him tame it You will be just fine

Oh, God's not afraid of your honesty He can heal your heart if you speak honestly Humble sorrow and the honest cry He will not pass by, no, no, ooh 

You may feel like you're crawling Over broken glass, crying a river Into the pillows of your past But you will be free, yeah 

Oh,God's not afraid of your honesty He can heal your heart if you speak honestly Humble sorrow and the honest cry He will not pass by 

God's not afraid of your honesty He can heal your heart if you speak honestly Humble sorrow and the honest cry He will not pass by"